I think we all have unique and important filters we use to eliminate people from consideration as potential romantic partners. I think our main goals in finding someone all center around what our needs are as individuals. If we find someone who can help us fulfill those needs then we try to initiate a relationship. If a person blatantly refuses to meet those needs then we would view them as unattractive.
Ducks theory describes four different things that couples do when they sense their relationship is dissolving. The theory makes perfect sense to me. In the first phase each individual starts having personal doubts and starts to feel like their needs aren't being met and that they might want to pursue other relationships. In the second phase the individuals get together to discuss their individual feelings. If they decide to end the relationship then they go through the third phase where they must open up to more people, the people in their social circles. In the fourth phase the individuals determine how that relationship affected their lives, both the good and the bad.
I think many couples go through these stages before they break-up. I've only been in one relationship and I'm still in it so I can't really say that I know how this process works. But I've seen plenty of friends go through it and it seems to happen in this exact way. I can definitely say that I have used preinteraction cues as a filter to decide if I want to meet someone. And in many of these cases I've found that I've reconsidered the person after interacting with them.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I too have seen many relationships go through the stages Ducks Theory outlines. Many times these steps are necessary to rebuilding a relationship. Dating other people might make someone appreciate the qualities their partner possesses. However, if the relationship is over and one partner begins to move on by sharing their feelings and decision with family members - the relationship is most likely beyond repair. Ducks theory mentions that people reflect on their relationships and its meaning. This is important because people can learn what things they will accept, things they themselves need to change, and how they will behave in future relationships. Ducks theory is both logical and realistic as many of us have seen the cycle- even if we didn't realize it.
ReplyDeleteHey CGH,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all your lucky that you have only been in one relationship and are still in it. This was kind of a hard question for me to answer because I have been with someone for 16years. I also have to say that we learn from our friends experiences and it was interesting to be able to apply Ducks theory to interaction of becoming friends to a romantic relationship. One other note is your comment on the preinteraction cues and how after interacting with the person you reconsidered is something I think we have all experienced from one time or another.