Nonverbal messages can be extremely ambiguous and I have definitely misinterpreted the meaning of others' messages. I have also had my nonverbal communication be misinterpreted. That is why I think it is extremely important to back up your nonverbal communication with verbal communication. Especially if you know someone may misunderstand you.
My old roommate was a professional when it came to sending confusing nonverbal messages. I knew that she wanted to tell me something but the only way she knew how to do it was with nonverbal messages, which to me seemed like very passive aggressive behavior. "When nonverbal codes work together to send the same message, their impact is intensified. When they work at cross-purposes, confusion results" (110). I think that this was exactly what was happening with my roommate. She was trying to act like nothing was wrong but her nonverbal communication was not consistent. It became a very confusing situation and ended with us having to move out because our issues with each other were not being solved with a proper form of communication.
I think in order to avoid these issues in the future, I've learned that my own nonverbal communication says a lot about what I'm thinking, and in order to make sure I'm consistent I need to talk about things too. I can't solely rely on what my body language and actions are telling people. And it goes both ways. If I'm confused about someones nonverbal communication I need to ask them directly about it before I jump to conclusions. "It is not a good idea to read deep meaning into every gesture, yet it is important to give proper attention to nonverbal cues. People will sometimes tell us nonverbally what they will not tell us with words, and we should not ignore those silent messages" (135). I learned a big lesson with my old roommate. And I now know how to react to someone with they are only offering nonverbal communication about their issues.
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Hello CGH! What specifically did your roommate do to give you conflicting messages? Was it her lack of communication? Body language? Facial expressions? Also, what do you think your responsibility was, if any, with trying to communicate properly with her, or encourage more communication with you?
ReplyDeleteHi CGH!
ReplyDeleteAs I am reading your message, I am reminded of the same situation I had with my old roommate. Things got really confusing when all we did was send nonverbal communication with each other rather than actually talk to each other. I do agree with you that some people who are passive aggressive tend to settle with nonverbal communication to avoid conflict. But in the end, it creates a bigger conflict because no one is a mind reader. People can only guess what they mean. I myself is sometimes a passive aggressive person. I've noticed that in myself and am trying to change. In my relationship with my boyfriend, it's hard to completely share in words how I feel, so I nonverbal communication. But it is not effective, so I am improving on communicating my feelings with him and other people as well. In the future, if I ever deal with a passive aggressive person, I will make sure that I voice my concerns and opinions first, just so that I can encourage the other person, like my former roommate, to speak up as well.
Good post.
Love
Events Dreamer